i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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