Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
