ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
