Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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