umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
