dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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