I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
