her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
