it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
