Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
