It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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