you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
