He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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