I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
