We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Sponge bath it is.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
