his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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