God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
