Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
