At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
