If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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