I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
