i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
