That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So many bounce houses so little time
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
