He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
