I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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