How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
