His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
