i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
