I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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