we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
