its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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