I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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