You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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