i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
