Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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