you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
