I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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