i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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