i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
