I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
