when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
