i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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