well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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