I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
