This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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