Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
