so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
