Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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