ugly people sure do ruin things
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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