i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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