they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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