so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
