Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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