Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize