everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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