They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
