Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
