Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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