So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
