weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize