there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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