Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
