So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
