Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
