You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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