Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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