Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
