I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
