First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
