I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
