ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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