You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
