i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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