If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
