you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
