I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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