I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
