My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
