There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
