I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she pinky promised me she was 18
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
