i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
