that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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