Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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