If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
