Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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