Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
