Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
