sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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