My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
