you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
