My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
