These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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