I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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