fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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