i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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