i think my tv is drunk
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
