apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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