Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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