The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
