TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
