Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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