The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
