that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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