i permit you to call me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
