You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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